Alright, so I know I’ve been out for a bit, but let’s be honest, Janz hasn’t been bringing the bullshit like she usually does. Anyhoo, we had a birthday party for Lu just over a week ago and man, did Janz go OVER…BOARD. (http://www.tulipandthelma.com/2012/07/03/party-central/) Having her mom make those ridiculous buntings (what the hell is a bunting?? Sounds so dumb, must be French), ordering all kinds of tables and chairs, hiring a fucking band and making sure that everything was PERFECT (and driving me insane in the process). She spent more time and effort on that party than she did pushing that baby out of her you-know-what (yep, I’ll be in trouble for that comment). All in all, I will admit that the place looked unbelievable and the party was a success—and Turd had a great time. I got a bit tipsy, so you know that means a it was good soiree.
But the one thing I take issue with…the red cups. Janz has been trash-talking me to every chick she knows just because I wanted to buy some red Solo cups for the party. What’s so wrong with red cups?? They’re simple, they’re cheap, and they’re practical. Janz about had a meltdown in the middle of Costco when I put the 1200-pack in our oversized mega cart, which was already filled to the brim with $400 of liquor, beer and snacks. I mean, it’s a 2-year-old’s party, red cups fit right in. Who gives a shit if the party is pink? Get. Over. It.
Then she tells me that she spoke to no less than 3327 other women, mostly moms, who were shocked and appalled that I would even suggest red cups…like I’m some kind of sociopath for it. I asked exactly 3 dudes what their thoughts were on the subject, and I received 1 answer, “Who the hell cares and why are you ruining this game of poker?” See, my sentiments exactly. The next party, red cups all around…that and 6 kegs and whatever Swedish bikini team is in town. But let me make this clear: Turdface is not having a party that big again until she turns 21, mostly because I’ll be paying for this one until then.